Pleasing others is not always a negative thing. There are many vocations that strive to serve up excellent customer service experiences and please those whom they serve. There can be a feeling of excellence when individuals respond positively to the experience they have had when dealing with a business or have received better than average treatment. This can be gratifying not only for the recipient, but also for the ones who deliver those services as well. In a healthy context, there is nothing wrong with providing and serving in a way that helps to edify everyone involved.

 

In an unhealthy context however, this can become a very destructive behavior. The eagerness to please, while is not a problem in itself, becomes very negative when combined with a personal view of low self worth. It can be easy to become absorbed and addicted to desiring validation from others.

 

Some characteristics of such behavior can include saying yes to everything, though you know it is wrong. Another way is saying yes to things just to make someone else happy, even though you know that it is not necessarily wrong, but an unwise decision. You can also take on far too much because you are overrun with what everyone else wants and have no time to do anything for yourself. You may also be prone to allowing others to guilt you into doing things that you don’t want to do. 

 

You may also be afraid to say no because you are worried about losing the approval of someone. You hope that saying yes to everything will put you in a position of favor. You may go to great lengths just to avoid conflict.

 

So, how do you break free of toxic people pleasing?

 

Pray and ask God to help you resist this old behavior. Your self worth comes from knowing who you are in Christ, not from other people. If you read your Bible, you will know that God gives power to believers. Take a real stand for what you know is right. Learn how to become best friends with the word “NO.” When you begin to use that word when needed, it might feel strange or negative in the beginning. It may not go well with those you are trying to please. But, ultimately you can gain peace of mind knowing that you are doing right. You will be less run down physically and you will have time to do the things that matter most to you. Accept conflict as a necessary part of life and stand in your resolve. 

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